Rites of Passage and Claiming Womanhood
This paper was written for a course at Naropa University.
As I grew up being socialized as a girl I was fed many ideas about my period and my role as a woman. From the first day of blood-stained panties, I felt shame around that time of the month. I can recall actively hiding period paraphernalia for the first three years. But, as I matured and grew to understand the blood community I was apart of, I gradually became more comfortable bringing this topic up in public. Cycle transparency naturally grew between my close girlfriends, but from my personal experience as well as the experiences of friends which I witnessed, mothers and grandmothers rarely communicated the importance of menstruation ritual and self-care. Despite the silence, I slowly became a firm believer in not hiding menstruation conversations and supporting other women to own their personal bleeding experiences.
I don’t remember my first time learning about a “rite of passage.” Could it have been from a book? From an elder? The Bible? Or a story of traditional Inuit tattoos? Wherever it was, I do remember that I have always understood the importance of rites of passage.
Fire and Flower is an organization that facilitates twelve to fourteen years old girl’s rites of passages in Vancouver, British Columbia. Fire and Flower hold a deep reverence for the role a rite of passage has in an adolescent's life (Fire & Flowers, n.d.). They define a rite of passage as the conscious movement from one stage in life to another, such as adulthood, couplehood, parenthood, death, or divorce (Fire & Flowers, n.d.). Fire and Flower’s goal is to take girls on a formal process from being a girl and help them enter into young womanhood while being grounded in their personal power (Fire & Flowers, n.d.).
Rites of passage have been an important ritual for many cultures from time immemorial. Transition rituals deeply resonate with my values and I personally yearn for my own womanhood rite of passage. I have come to consider my solo world travels as my own rite of passage, and I’m sure many people can call upon significant experiences that mark a transition in their own life. Even so, I believe there is a huge difference between claiming womanhood as your own and blindly wandering into it while individually navigating foreign terrain. As our world becomes increasingly individualized, I feel that the loss of community support is having devastating effects on our mental health and personal well-being.
Communities of women have played an important role in my growth journey; joining in community assures our souls that we are not alone. I believe that being together in pain, discomfort, mistakes, victories, and humility can fight against the isolation of our modern age. Personally, nothing brings me more joy than being with a group of women and sharing our lived experiences, inquiring into wonderings of our own, and advising each other through humor, love, and curiosity.
Our blood is a community. It brings us out of those polite shells. “Do you have a tampon?” - “Ya, let me check!”… An uncomfortable look accompanied by the word “cramps” is usually met with that face that expresses “been there, done that sister.”. Deep down we know that menstruation is something so much bigger than us; the sensitivity and pain, syncing up as a pack, that smell, and our ability to access such deep emotions are all portals to strength, patience, and self-care. I do not want one more girl to grow up without understanding that their cycle is a direct, physical connection to the divine. Ritual reminds us that all our bodies are magic, and the absence of ritual creates gaping possibilities of dysphoria, misunderstanding, and hostility. Most importantly, not only does ritual inform and support young girl’s confidence; it also helps us remember our mothers, mothers, mothers, mothers, mothers, mothers, mothers, mothers, mothers, mothers, mothers mother…
I believe that education, ritual, intergenerational connections, art and self-expression, self-care, and holistic home remedies are such an important part of our cycles. Perplexingly enough this knowledge isn’t commonly apart of a girl’s first years of bleeding and I’m curious as to why.
Throughout the eleven years that I have been bleeding, I have engaged in many conversations with girls and women about menstrual cycles. I was inspired to engage with this topic based on the healing I have encountered through sharing menstruation experiences in a group of women. Reflecting on these conversations strengthens my belief that with time and through the community, girls can be extremely benefited by being encouraged to connect with, understand, and claim their individual cycles. The significance of claiming seems especially rich and I find myself planting a seed of hope to one day engage in a walk back ceremony.
The desire to have ceremony and ritual within my own life has motivated me to wonder what the needs are of newly menstruating girls? Firstly, basic menstrual education needs to be destigmatized. Young girls need more than a (usually embarrassing) half-hour “health session” in grade seven. One of the main needs that I believe should be addressed is the fact that every individual cycle is unique; every person with a womb is on a completely different clock and that is okay. We should be taught that it is normal to not get our period every month, or that big life changes, long travel, and stress can all significantly impact your cycle. We should be taught about individuality, autonomy, holistic self-care, and common menstrual situations during the first stages of our cycle.
Over the years I have been present for many older women’s lightbulb moments surrounding menstrual education. It seems that many males view periods as a mythological experience that can influence womb bearer’s to question their own experiences, pain, emotions, sensitivity, and sanity. Alongside this self-doubt, many women do not know what menstrual facts to believe and are not taught basic menstrual education. Lack of trustworthy information can lead girls to “freak out” when they are late, when their flow seems different than their friend's, or when their pain is seemingly more intense than their friends. This unnecessary trauma and worry could easily be avoided through an educative rite of passage program.
I dream of a program that parallels menstruation with the cycles of seasons, fruits, flowers, and tides. Through studying natural cycles girls may be able to more easily integrate the idea that their cycles are also natural and do not need, nor deserve, to be pathologized.
I strongly feel that birth control pills are too often prescribed to naive girls who are much too young; this happened to me alongside countless friends. Addressing birth control would have to be a major component of a rite of passage program as girls need to know that treating menstrual symptoms with synthetic hormones might not be the healthiest choice and could result in physical and mental health repercussions. A rite of passage must include education on herbs and nutrition that can be used to address difficult menstrual symptoms.
Lastly, it is important to address mindfulness and creative activities that can aid in overall quality of life, and especially help throughout the bloody part of the cycle. This education could be done by introducing girls to different kinds of artistic expressions such as dance, painting, singing, acting, poetry, sewing, etc. We could also teach simple breathing exercises, stretches, and body-positive meditations to address the mindfulness component. The overall goal is to help girls walk confidently into young womanhood. This can be done by giving them a range of holistic tools that they can carry forward and use during any moment of their cycle.
I sat down with some girlfriends and facilitated a conversation on our cycles and rites of passage. The following is a snippet of our conversation...
Me: “Do you feel like a rite of passage ceremony would have been beneficial in creating a more defined entrance into womanhood?”
Friend #1: Yes, I always complained about how late we learn about our cycle. Our hormones are affecting us and they are changing every day and if we knew that we would avoid a lot of issues. Some days I get very depressed and I think it’s my fault. If I was taught that menstrual hormones can affect our mental health than I could have developed objectivity much earlier in life.
Friend #2: I agree. And, for me, I have a hormonal imbalance that made me go through many hard medical treatments because of that, and I never really knew what they were doing. I feel that if I had contact with more alternative types of menstrual education I could have avoided a lot of unnecessary stuff I had been through. Such as, not taking birth control pills since I was thirteen or pharmaceutical medicine to help with menstrual pain. I was never taught about hormonal imbalance. We aren’t taught about our cycles, it feels like we are just supposed to know by knowing, no one comes to you and says “Hey, let’s talk about this”.
Friend #1: Yes, I took the birth control pill for 8 years and my body couldn't take it anymore, my hair was falling out, my body was bloated, I lost my libido, I was vaginally dry. I felt crazy in my head, and once I was able to get off the pill then I started to regain my sanity.
We continued in loving conversation and slowly I noticed that a recurring statement kept coming up through this conversation, which was simply to make sure newly menstruating girls are taught that their period is not something bad and that our blood is not something to be ashamed of. Friend #2 firmly stated that “we should tell them to be proud of their blood... Personally, I don’t get my period every month and I get so frustrated. When I get my blood I cry because I’m reminded that I am a woman. I am creative, sensitive, powerful. Be proud of your blood, not only because it’s not dirty, but because it is sacred.”
Brainstorming the needs of young menstruating girls evolved into a healing experience for the three of us. We sat outside for hours and discussed the ways in which we could provide a sacred lens for the menstrual cycle.
When I sit and contemplate this topic I feel a lot of energy. I strongly believe that a rite of passage ceremony can have significant positive effects on girl’s ability to transition into womanhood smoothly. My research brought me to many rites of passage organizations in North America. In Canada, I found over a dozen organizations that offer “Rites of Passage” workshops to all genders and around four organization that specifically offer “Girl’s Rites of Passage” programs which focus on menstruation, sexual education, ceremony, art therapy, connection to nature, and women communities. It is really beautiful to know that there are many other people with this vision, as well as many parents that support their daughters going through these significant rituals. Most of the Girl’s rites of passage websites stated that anyone who identifies as a girl is welcome, including trans girls. I found this to be an extremely important statement of inclusivity within an organization, and I would also welcome all self-identified girls if I were to offer a rite of passage program.
But before I go off creating my own organization, I would love to work with one of these organizations and get a better understanding of the transition process. Since I am an experienced wilderness guide I feel that I could benefit an organization’s team if they offered a camping trip within their program. I would love to find a way to combine my knowledge and love for the outdoors with the sacred process of helping girls ground into the power of claiming their womanhood.
I still hope to someday partake in my own rites of passage ceremony and claim my womanhood as my own and not something that was simply imposed upon my identity. This course encouraged me to flow with many ideas and patiently trust that passion will direct my final project. I am so grateful for the encouragement to question, challenge, and sit with my creative process. Through researching rites of passages I have become very optimistic at future adolescent's transitions into adulthood. Claiming identity aids in smoothly transitioning from one stage of life into another. It has become obvious that there is a resurgent need for girls rites of passages and that the benefits of a womb community far surpass the comfort of silence.
Girls Rite of Passage Program / Menstruation Education Brainstorming Notes:
Teach girls to give their blood back to the earth as a practice of acknowledging your blood as being sacred
Have different generations of mentors present
Host a 4 month program where we meet once a week for two months, go on a one week camping trip, and then meet again once a week for three weeks to close.
Invite girls into the magical world of cycles through ancient myths. Read a myth everynight of the camping trip from each girl’s individual ethnic background.
Introduce a different herb and it’s purposes every meeting
Introduce alternative medicine that can be used as birth control and to treat menstrual symptoms
Simple education on life’s cycles (can use some science)
Have a space for the mother’s to meet while the daughters are meeting weekly. Have a facilitator to help educate the mothers on how to interact, education, and facilitate their daughters transition.
Have weekly visits from herbalists, art therapists, holistic mental health therapists, sexual health educators, naturopaths, elders, etc.
During the week of camping have many generations of woman present
Create community through a longer program → ensures safety, sharing, and community guidelines are thoroughly understood.
Educate on what a rite of passage is, where the traditions come from, and how we can use this ritual in many different transitions in life.
Ensure there is no cultural appropriation and encourage cultural appreciation alongside historical education.
References
Fire & Flowers. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://fireandflowergirls.org/
