the cosmic cauldron

i was steeped

a little too long

in the irrational

every day

at least that i can remember

i have sensed the song of the other side

it always seemed so obvious to me 

and yet when i would attempt to find the words 

i would feel people’s attention 

and respect 

continue to drift 

further away 

in the witch’s screams 

i remember 

the reverence that once adorned this intuition 

in the fires i understand 

the power of this knowing 

the wiring of my brain 

has always made 

the interconnected, wise, and mystical blueprint that all life stemmed from 

seem so obvious 

the magic that the universe so generously gifted me 

is but a seed of the ancestors who were buried by brute force 

masked in the name of science 

linear and rigid systems soon prevailed 

of which i was born into

i can remember wondering as a child, why do we need all these articles to prove that taking care of the environment is necessary? why do we need all these scientists researching monk’s siddhis? why is it so hard to believe? why do we turn to pills for all our answers? is it really that hard to trust that walking through the forest is therapeutic? is it really that hard to believe that all people should have access to water? that we deserve a living wage? that corporations shouldn’t be given free rein over our natural resources? do we really need to spend years creating these arguments? i never understood how we got to this place... and how it seemed like it was going to take so much effort to return to a state of right livelihood with mother earth and our intrinsically good-natured spirits. 

i couldn’t help but wonder if all of these publications and facts and numbers and statistics and debates were a distraction.

i never wanted to believe that these lengths were necessary for us to live up to our fullest potential. 

i have always felt confused. 

it’s been easy to write off as irrational and naive.

after a couple of decades of navigating this dystopic experience that seems to be a result of the drastically different worlds found on either side of my flesh suit, i often find myself wanting to tap out.

sign off of living in this cyclical, connected way of being 

and tap into the linear illusion

at least in this post-apocalyptic capitalist landscape we find ourselves in 

it would be much easier 

to fade into the story 

to believe that my purpose is to

#makethatmoney

#getupandgrind

#livetopayrent 

i think it’s the one’s who can see 

who are most susceptible to depression, addiction, and suicide 

it becomes the most practical way out of this chaotic, mind-numbing bewilderment 

it brings us to our knees 

desperation becomes the air we breathe 

and i often wonder how the revolutionaries turned this paralyzation 

into an unapologetic

crusade for liberation

they seem so close 

the conviction 

and defeat

dear universe,

please take mercy on me